I’m currently seeing a lot of content on the interwebs about people complaining that Baby Boomers are terrible grandparents because they don’t look after their grandchildren often enough. One particular example was a man saying that his grandmother used to pick him up from school regularly, as well as help him get ready in the morning and then drop him at school. The man complained that his children’s grandparents refuse to do this and that “Boomers” have no respect for their kids or put in effort. Others are saying that young parents today expect too much of grandparents as many Boomers are still in the workforce and will be for some time. Childcare is just too much additional work and pressure at their ages along with working full or even part-time.

I’ve seen this going around and I understand both sides. I grew up with an involved grandma and uninvolved grandma. My involved grandma I spent a great deal of time with every summer as a child. Uninvolved grandma, I saw her once a year. The difference? Well my parents have a big age difference, over 20 years, so my dad’s mom, my uninvolved grandma, was simply too old to take on hands-on care of small children. She didn’t love me any less, she was just an elderly lady. Whereas my mom’s mom was middle-aged.

I think this is a BIG reason why we’re seeing so many grandparents not doing what many grandparents did previous generations. A lot of the Baby Boomers had kids in their late 30s and 40s, and then their kids didn’t have kids until 30s or so. I’m a GenXer and had my youngest at 25, my mom (who is a Boomer) had me at 25 (my dad was 46) so she was just 50 and had been a grandma in her 40s (with my older children as well as nieces and nephews). Same as my mother-in-law, they were just middle-aged grandmas and could take on childcare. My in-laws would get my kids once a week, even in high school! And sometimes more in the summer. My husband and I didn’t ask or demand this of them, they volunteered and it was fantastic. They really helped us raise the kids and their home was like a second home to them.

If my kids have kids, I WILL do the same for their kids! Because I understand and appreciate the importance of not only building a great bond with grandchildren but also helping my own children out; so that my own kids have regular respite from the great responsibility of childcare. BUT I have seen young adults my kids’ age, 20s/30s, with parents MY mom’s age, 75. It’s very unfair to expect an elderly person to run after small kids to that extent; to help raise them like grandparents in their 40s, 50s, and even 60s can do.